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Romance is kind of my specialty. Or perhaps a recurring theme in my life? When I was in Grade 9 I filled out all of the questionnaires that littered my agenda as though each answer carried the weight of life or death. Little did I know that my answers would turn into little time capsules of my adolescent mind.

In response to one particular question–What do you value most in your life–I wrote in this order: Singing, romance and family.

I’m a singer these days. I sing jazz in smoky (sometimes greasy) bars to other romantics and alcoholics. And for some time I’ve worked for a romance novel company of a certain name.

But for a very long time, Valentine’s day was not a good day for me. I recall one year a blog post I wrote about the day–on the day–when a few ladies in the office received flowers and edible arrangements from their beaus. I was startlingly bitter about this. Even when they offered me one of their cookies. I accepted it begrudgingly.

Last year I got dressed to the nines on Valentine’s day and received a compliment from a co-worker in the kitchen to which I scoffed heartily. I still feel the urge to apologize for that one, even though she’s probably long forgotten and I no longer work in that office.

I guess my bitterness toward Valentine’s day has always been in some way a reaction to the fact that I didn’t have much romance in my life, not in the way of a significant other, that is. I certainly had plenty of crushes but an actual Valentine has been a rare occurance in my life.

One year, I totally fucked it up, though. I could have had a beau. I was excited about having a beau. He was a friend of a friend. A tall, handsome, stoic man with a sharp wit and a funny cologne that tickled my nose but in a good way. We had been courting for months and it seemed written in the stars to be a great romance.

On Halloween, three months earlier, I had concocted my best costume ever: Alice in Wonderland. I looked adorable with my petticoat and white tights, my silly little apron and black hair bow. My paramour had access to quite the costume collection and when he climbed into the car beside me, I was impressed to see that he’d cobbled together a pretty decent Willy Wonka. Except, as he rotated his tophat a quarter turn, he wasn’t Willy Wonka. He was the Mad Hatter.

We spent the night giggling and talking. I felt like I was in high school again as girlfriends cornered me at the party and demanded to know how it was going. Except this never happened to me in high school!

Yet, my heart was torn, for I was battling a crush on someone else that was tearing me apart from the inside out. It was dramatic–rife with secrets, assumptions and mixed signals. And while the tall, handsome, stoic man was patient enough to wait for me until February, when I finally demanded he come to my place for dinner, I still couldn’t find the conviction that I needed to be rid of my crush for good. Yet I prepared for our date. I bought a good cut of meat at the St. Lawrence Market in preparation. I thought of wine pairings. And all the while I wondered what if?

And as I wondered more and more, my head clouded over and finally I sent him a message, days before we were to have a proper romantic date, canceling the whole thing.

That’s when I looked at the date and realized how cruel I was for doing that.

Days before Valentine’s Day I rejected this tall, handsome, stoic man with the only explanation being that I had to follow my heart and all that really meant was that my heart was not tugged in his direction.

I suppose it was karma that a few weeks later I experienced one of the most painful rejections of my adult life. I chased the pavement after the crush that I chose only to be left rejected and humiliated on the streets of King and Spadina on a Saturday night, cars honking their displeasure at being stuck in traffic long enough to watch my humiliation.

Would I have regretted my decision to “follow my heart” had it lead to the right choice? Of course not. Or maybe I would wonder what if anyway. But I had to make a choice that Valentine’s. It ended up being the wrong one, but that’s what happens sometimes.  You can’t predict these things, but it should never stop you from wanting romance in your life. After all, it makes it so exciting!

This year I have a Valentine and I’m utterly smitten with him. There’s no battle in my heart this time around. He’ll be my Valentine and I’ll be his.

{Grace Kelly}

{Vivien Leigh}

{Marilyn Monroe}

{Brigitte Bardot}

{Carole Lombard}

{Elizabeth Taylor}

{Audrey Hepburn}

{Jane Fonda}

{Nina Simone}

Happy Valentine’s day, pals! I hope you have a lovely day, even especially if you’re spending it with your special furry companion.

xoxo

rachel

The problem I have (and I’m sure I’m not alone in this) is that I can take 100 pictures of myself and be able to spot a problem with every single one.  Oh, my bangs look weird, oops, the lighting is making my skin look jaundiced, wait, is that really how my arms look from that angle – and on and on and on.  As I was going through all the pictures I took, I realized what I was doing; namely, being way more critical of myself than anyone else would ever be.  This whole exercise made me realize that even though I’m so much happier and more comfortable with myself than I used to be, it’s still an uphill battle.  (When I think back on how I felt about myself when I was 15, even 20, and the amount of anxiety and shame I had…yikes.)  Realistically, no one is going to scrutinize (or even care!) how I look as much as I do, and even if they do, do I really want to be the kind of girl who spends 45 minutes deciding between two pictures that look virtually the same?  I don’t, or at least I’m trying not to be, so I went with the first pictures I took.  I don’t think they’re perfect, but I’m going to put them on the internet anyway, and maybe next time it won’t be so difficult to do.  Progress!

Anyway! In my glorious apartment not only do I have a fireplace, but this sort of wall-indent above it where one might mount a television.  The previous owners did, in fact, use the indent to mount their television, as evidenced by the many strangely spaced holes left in my wall.  Although I one day hope to put a television of my very own in the indent, as of now, it is empty and definitely an eyesore in my otherwise very pleasant living room.

I’ve had a bunch of blank canvases in my possession for a while now, and on my last trip to Michael’s I ended up buying a bunch of helvetica-font alphabet stickers that were on sale.  (I’m a ridiculous “buy it for a future project” sort of lady.)  Anyway, the other day I decided to put two and two together, and made the above picture to hang in the indent, until such a time as I get something nicer to put up, or even a television.  I was going to do a step-by-step guide, but really, you stick some letters on a canvas, slap on a few coats of paint, and peel them off once everything is dry.  Easy! (Oh, and Elsie Larson did something super similar – identical? – over on her blog the other day, too.  Great minds, I guess!)

I’ve been listening to a lot of Woody Allen audiobooks lately, and this is one of the quotes that stuck with me.  I thought it would be apropos as my living room is actually rather bare right now.

Oh, and of course, a full-shot of my outfit, details below.

Shirt: UO || Skirt: Gap || Cardigan: Thrifted (in Portland) || Belt: H&M || Necklace: F21

Hope you had a lovely Monday, and don’t forget to check back tomorrow for another valentine’s guest post.

XOXO

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Here is a gold-lovely make up look for your big night out. I think it will work with all skin tones because gold is such a beautiful colour and technically, in my opinion, a neutral. You can always adjust what products I use as you wish, since some things I am using are either expensive in Canada or not available. I buy a lot of make up from the UK since some member of my immediate family is there every year, and the rest of my extended family is more than happy to receive various parcels for me.  I will mark beside the products which are not available in Canada, as far as I have been able to tell. Every Urban Decay eyeshadow except for Honey is available in the Naked palette.

The primer I used was 17 Photo Flawless Primer (UK only, though Smashbox makes a great foundation primer), the foundation Bourjois Health Mix Foundation 51 Vanille Clair, and the powder Bourjois Mineral Radiance 02 Vanille. The powder step isn’t always necessary but I feel like it sets the liquid foundation a bit better. This step is basically “put on your game face”, so if you have a different foundation regimen, feel free to do that instead.

I also primed my eyelids with Urban Decay Primer Potion in Gold but any eyeshadow primer is good. I particularly like this one because it’s gold. I’ve made numbers on the diagram so it’s easy to follow the product list.

1. First I filled my brows with Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Buck. After that I pencilled inside my brows with two eyeliners: Gosh Velvet Touch Eyeliner in Rising Sun and in Copper Girl.
2. I filled the inner part of my eye and below my brow with Bourjois Eyeshadow in 90 Blanc Diaphane.
3. I filled most of the lid in with Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Half Baked.
4. Here I used Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Sin, a lighter colour.
5. I placed a little bit of Bourjois Eyeshadow in 93.
6. Here I used a very light dusting of Urban Decay Eyeshadow in Honey (this one is the only shade not available in the Naked palette. It is a more distinct gold than Half Baked.
7. I lined my eye with Barry M Metallic Liquid liner in Gold (UK only, as far as I know). A similar gold liquid liner will help. I made a cat-eye shape, which is basically a triangle starting very thin in the inner eye and becoming an upwards triangle on the outer eye orbit.
8. I used a bit more of the liner used in 7 under my eye as well as a little tiny and careful application of the eyeshadow used in 6.

After the application you should take a lighter brush and blending it all together.

Full disclosure: I edited this photo so it’s easier to see the blush and highlighter.

The first thing you want to do is apply the highlighter in the pattern above. I used Dior Shimmer Powder 002 Amber Diamond but any powder that has a gradiant from a champagne gold to an ambery coppery gold is what you want. Apply it liberally on your cheeks and on your T-zone. The dotted lines on my face show you where to put it.

The blush should be applied upwards, in a sweeping motion on your cheek. It reminds me of ballet-dancers and tight-sucked in cheeks when I apply blush like this. I used Bourjois Blush 34 Rose d’or but any gold-rose blush will do.

The lips were actually the second easiest thing after cheeks. Moisten your lips with your favourite balm. I used E45 Lip Balm (UK only). Then apply your lipstick without a brush as normal. I used here Revlon Super Luscious Lipstick 105 Copper Chrome which I hadn’t used before and came out far more red and far less coppery than the stick looks itself. However it is a much darker shade than what I usually wear. I topped the lipstick with a thick, cloying coat of Gosh Light’N Shine Lip Glaze in 06, a bronzey tone.

And you’re ready to go out looking fantastic!

Happy Valentine’s Week everyone! <3 <3 <3

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Hello lovely C&V readers!  I’m so excited to be doing this guest post today, especially since it’s for Valentine’s Day.  I have to say that I am a big fan of Valentine’s Day.  It’s so great to have a day when you and your guy (or gal) can take some time gush over each other.  Most of us don’t do that nearly enough.  I’ve compiled a few items for her and him that I think would make fabulous gifts.

For Her

1. Quirky Heirloom Throw from Anthropologie
2. Feu de Bois Candle from Diptyque
3. Hand Embroidery Hoop by Moxiedoll
4. Secretely In Love Illustration by Nan Lawson

For Him

1. Please Do Not Shave Off Your Beard Card by A Sea Of Ink.
2. Wild Man Beard Gift Set by Wild Rose Herbs
3. Medium DSLR Camera Bag by Mari Forsell
4. Scott Pilgrim Book Series by Bryan Lee O’Malley – mandatory reading!

As you can see, I’m a fan of beards.  I hope you and your special person have a lovely Valentine’s Day.  Oh, and a small bouquet of posies from Coriander Girl in Parkdale (in Toronto) also goes a long way.  Xo!

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Anyway! You can buy this new print over at society6. All of my prints are also available on tshirts and laptop skins.  Fun!

Hope you’re having a lovely Wednesday, whatever it is you’re doing!

xo

Now that I’m living alone (well, with a small feline for companionship), I’m finding that I have to have music playing all.the.time.  I started making playlists and mixes to listen to, since it beats constantly listening to radio3 and the same few albums over and over and over again, so I thought I’d share one with you!

Happy February, ladies & gentlemen.  Only 29 more days to go.

{Click here to listen to the mix over on 8tracks!}